The Art of Southern Hospitality

While I am much too young to remember this, my mother tells me that my grandfather had a soft spot for strays, meaning that without warning or notice he would show up with a person in tow for my grandmother to feed. It could have been a salesman he'd met; sometimes it was just someone off the street that looked like he could use a good home cooked meal. Every now and then it was someone she actually knew, but that couldn't be counted on.

(Interestingly enough, my son inherited this same trait which has provided us with some very interesting interactions with boys sporting blue mohawks, a girlfriend with some of the oddest eating habits I've ever seen, and a variety of motley 4-legged animals that turned into pets.)   

At any rate, knowing this to be a regular event, my grandmother was always prepared with an extra pork chop or slice of pound cake. She once remarked, "I felt like I was running a boarding house". Perhaps she complained more vehemently in private, but she always knew when she heard the screen door open and close that she was probably going to get to exercise her southern hospitality.

The concept of southern hospitality is well-known and has framed perceptions of the south for decades. It's as rooted in southern culture as the ideas of southern belles and sweet tea. Of course, there are courteous and hospitable people all over this great land of ours but, for some reason, the south gets to wear the badge of honor when it comes to warmth and friendliness. 

I recently read that some social scientists believe the practices of southern hospitality to be a masquerade for the deficiencies of the south - slavery, discrimination, poverty. I say, with all the southern sweetness I can muster, that this is a bunch of baloney. Somebody had a dissertation to write and ran out of ideas. 

I believe the reality to be that southern hospitality is born of a general feeling of good-naturedness and kindness toward others. There are social norms in the south, taught to us from birth, that can be summarized very simply: "Be nice". I know it's hard to write a dissertation around that and I guess if I were a grad student trying hard to be an up-and-coming social scientist I might panic and make stuff up too, but really, folks - that's it. We're raised to be nice. Use your manners. Make others around you comfortable. Act like a lady. Conduct yourself like a gentleman. Behave yourself.

Even southerners sometimes forget that life is so much better when the principles of southern hospitality are exercised. This usually has something to do with change and deteriorates into comments about (adjective) Yankees and being re-invaded by the north and other such unattractive remarks. 

To our friends from other places who have discovered the beauty of the south, let me assure you that the screen door is open and we're setting another place at the table for you. All we ask is that you understand that we're partial to our home the way that it is and we don't really want to change it. Please love and accept us for who and what we are, in spite of our quirks and eccentricities.

Thank you. 

And, in return, we will share our beautiful home with you and show you everything we love about it - the amazing sunsets, the steamy summer nights filled with mosquitoes, and the peace of watching a blue heron skim across the water on an early morning. We'll even introduce you to the critter that is called a boiled peanut, if you're game.

In the South, our culture of gracious hospitality is alive and well. As Anne Holm so beautifully pointed out, "Politeness is something you owe other people, because when you show a little courtesy, everything becomes easier and better. But first and foremost, it's something you owe yourself."  

And that, actually, probably could support a dissertation.